exploitation

one day... one day i will gain my freedom!
i just have to be strong for this one more year of awaiting...

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architecture

it's been exactly two weeks if my math serves me right, haha. i've been really lazy. there a few story that i could share but just didn't have the spirit to write. i've been microblogging you see, and it is way much easier, practical and faster than blogging. nonetheless, i do have a blog after all, haha. let's get start it then.

i've made up my mind - and this time i totally got to stick with it. architecture. yup. i'm going to apply through JPP (Jalur Penelusuran Prestasi) of UnTar, which seems to be the only university that's prepared to start accepting future freshmen. my aim is untar basically. don't know why but there are several universities like UI (obviously) and UnPar. but of course UI is still a long way down the road. public universities always open registration late. as for unpar, well, they're just not ready yet.

so i'll be trying JPP of untar. then we'll see. they're only looking at my report cards of year X and XI. even for a graduate of 2008 like me, that's all i need to give them they say. so let's hope for the best! my marks were not built for this kind of registration, haha :b

hm suddenly i lost my will to blog, haha. at least i blogged

cheerio!

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Me Vs. Mum

so i told my mum about my choice, indonesia. and as expected, she looked down on me.

i have no fighting spirit she said. only like this and i backed off. then she started bringing Z into the matter. i don't want to go to the philippines because i have Z now, blablabla.. she believes that she knows the feelings i have to nattou before is different to Z. honestly, i'm only 19. no matter how i like, care or even love Z, i'd still go to the philippines if that's what i want. it's so stupid!

med school is definitely out of the question she added. i understand for that matter, it's costly.. though i actually aim to graduate med school with a magna cum laude with the connections i have, like: Z, dr. Luci and dr. Hartati from FBIS, Adrienne, Rene, Mochi and several others. yeah, i'm quite confident that i can graduate with a cum laude on my diploma :) but i didn't say any of that any more. i didn't see what's the point of telling her that since she exactly said, "You're on your own," if i choose to study in indonesia.

then she asked what am i going to take. so i said, "Okay, maybe not biotechnology. So perhaps doctor or architecture or DKV." hmph, yeah.. she looked down on me. sometimes i just wonder what ever could she be thinking right now if i had chosen biotechnology last year instead of waiting a year to take up pilot.

then she also said, "Dream?! What kind of dream is that?! If it is a dream, then you will fight for it," right after Gervin said that, "But it's koko's dream." yeah, i guess it was a dream. i guess i have no fighting spirit. the problem is.. i am not happy with what i'm going through now.

hm.. lemme see, what else did she say? oh, she asked why is she working sweat and tears finding the money if i'm going to end up studying in indonesia. well, i get the point. dad's salary could cover up the fees. but for me, what's wrong with working hard? the money could be used for my brothers or simply extra income. i just don't get her.

i really don't get her. she said, "Maybe you hate me right now but you should be lucky that I'm here to guide you. Not like me when I was young, emak didn't guide me at all."

i don't know what's on her mind now. i guess i'll be taking architecture in untar but i guess i should try unpar first, hehe. then again maybe i should also try taking med school in ui or unpad.

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my path?

i'm not trying to be a person that feels so fucked up about life. it's just that choosing your college major is choosing your life path.

my mum asked me whether i still want to continue chase the pilot or not. the option is pilot in the philippines or any major of my interest in indonesia. honestly, i don't want the philippines. gue bener2 ga kebayng aja gue bakal kyk gmn kalo gue k sono. i'd rather live in the worst place in indonesia than in the philippines. i don't why but i just don't feel like going there at all.

now the problem is, if choose indonesia, i feel like that my mum will be very, very much disappointed at me! i fear that she will always look down on me. i am, after all, her first child. first borns are always pressured by high expectations from their parents.

i was thinking of biotechnology.. i'll end up being a researcher or something. it won't be much of a something. so perhaps not biotechnology though it really mesmerises me at a lot of points. so perhaps architecture? i guess that's the only major of my interest that could make me a fortune. but i heard that indonesian architectures are quite a battle. maybe communication design will do as well though making a business there would be a gamble.

she's been asking for my answer but i just can't give her any.

so i'm really lost. help?

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